I can't be the only one who's ever thought about what they'd do different if they were world dictator. So, with a colorized Charlie Chaplin in The Great Dictator (1940) as inspiration, here's the first five (technically six) things I would do if I were world dictator:

1) No more night baseball games at Wrigley Field. This abomination has been going on since August of 1988 and I still can't get used to it.

2) I'm tired of opening a package of food, following the instructions to the letter and the result not looking anything remotely like the picture on the package. I would require manufacturers to take a random box of their product from store shelves, cook it as instructed, photograph the result and post it on their package without retouching. No more disappointments when removing food from the microwave.

3) Driving...I got a million in this category, but lets go with something not too controversial: right hand turn lanes. If there is land available at a stop light, then there must be a right hand turn lane built. OK, I can't resist a little controversy...no cell phones while driving, no exceptions, not even alleged hands-free versions. If the call is so darn important...pull over. I could go on for ever...

4) Government...another million things I'd do. First up, semantics and the elimination of baseline budgeting. You can't begin to solve complex problems if you don't start with accurate nomenclature. Baseline budgeting allows a person who plans to gain 100 pounds next year but only gains 75 to tell everyone they lost 25 pounds. Or, for a government program to automatically grow by 100 million but if it only grows by 75 million, the politicians tell us it was cut by $25 million. It would be the first small step to fixing the fiscal problems of our government.

5) And last, but not least, if anyone advocates for the elimination and death of another group of people, that person is terminated. The world doesn't need any one or any group of people calling for the elimination or extermination of anyone else.

What would you do if you were world dictator?